I want to have your abortion
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
