Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
