i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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