and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
