Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Just high enough for therapy.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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