3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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