it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
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He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
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seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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