I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
