ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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