Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Randomize
