i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
