You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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