Can i not drive my cunt home
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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