Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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