I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
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He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
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Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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