Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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