I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
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I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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