Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
