I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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