clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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