i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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