i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
