did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
