I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
