Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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