whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
It's official drugs can't kill me
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
