Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
