I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
