He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize