They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
