If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
