we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
