I think my fart just growled at me.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
