laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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