A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i barfeds in our rink
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
