clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
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Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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