Cold hands, warm shart.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Help. Why am I so naked?
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