How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
