I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
