i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
