Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
