Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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