I'm really into asian looking animals
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
he shaved USA in his pubs
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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