Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
