So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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