honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
