On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
