high people should be assigned attendants
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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