Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
