I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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