hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
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