how can u be prego again
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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