So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
