He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
