where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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