I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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