so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
