How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Randomize
