I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
