forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
it hurts more in the daytime
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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