I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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