so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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